Junior

18th June 2005
Oooh eck, i think i'm pregnant.  What now?  What will Ian say when i tell him?
I try to think up an exciting and imaginative way to tell him but I'm too nervous and in the end I just blurt it out while we're half way round the local pitch and putt golf course.  We call in to the chemist on the way home and pick up a test.  We're both really nervous and scared, the wait for the result seems to take forever. Were having a baby :-D  Right from the minute Ian see's the test our baby has a name, he calls him/her Junior.

2nd August 2005
I'm working the early shift so wake up at 5AM.  I go to the bathroom and find I'm bleeding, I'm 7 weeks pregnant.  I panic, don't know what to do.  I phone NHS direct who tell me to go back to bed and get some sleep, phone my GP when they open at 8-30AM.  I call work and tell them i'm not coming in today and go back to bed but there's no way I can sleep.  I lay there just watching the clock, every minute feels like an hour.
Finally its time for the GP surgery to open so I call them, the receptionist takes some details and tells me the doctor will call me back within an hour.  It seems like no sooner than I've hung up that the doctor is calling me back.  He tells me to go straight to the hospital.  I call a cab and then ring my mum, her and dad meet me there.
In the emergency department I am taken straight into triage and then taken to a cubicle to wait to see a doctor.  A nurse comes and takes some blood samples and i am left to wait for the doctor.  After the doctor has done his examination I am taken to the ultrasound department for a scan, by this time I know deep inside me that my baby is gone.  I have to sit in the main waiting area of the ultrasound department watching all the happy couples being called in for a scan and then seeing them leave, stroking their bumps and clutching their pictures of their babies.  It feels like I am being tortured and slowly dying from the inside. Finally, after the worst 2 hours of my life, I am called into the ultrasound room.  The sonographer does the scan, she doesn't say much and doesn't let me see the screen.  All I can remember her saying was "You're meant to be 7 weeks? Are you sure about you're dates?"
Next I am taken to the EPAU where i a nurse fills in all the admission paperwork that should have been done in the emergency department.  I have to pee in a bed pan so that the nurse can do a pregnancy test, I also have some more blood tests done.  I have to wait around in the EPAU until the results of the blood tests come back from the lab.  Once the tests results come back I am seen by a doctor who tells me that I have lost my baby, he's not telling me anything that I haven't already worked out for myself.  He tells me that the scan shows that it is a complete miscarriage so no treatment is needed.  My blood tests show that the hcg levels are dropping very quickly, so quickly in fact that the urine pregnancy test is already showing a negative result.
It is all over so quickly.  I am sent home with instructions to come back next week for a repeat blood test just to make sure everything is gone.  I don't want to go straight home, I don't want to be on my own.  We go to my sister's flat and i spend a few hours playing with her kitten, it's like he can sense what has happened and he  sticks to my like glue.

I am all alone now.  Ian was unable to leave work and his boss is being an ar$ehole, refuses to allow him to take any holidays or emergency leave until next week so he's stuck 60 miles away.  Mum and Dad are going to drive me over to be with him tomorrow and will come and fetch us both back next week.
All I want is to be with Ian but I've got to wait.  I go to bed and start to cry, i cry myself to sleep.

We get to Ian's house and i run straight to him, he holds me while i sob my heart out.  Mum and dad stay for a cuppa and then they leave.  For the next week Ian's mum is wonderful, she is there for me just like my own mum would have been.  I'll never forget how she looked after me that week.

When mum and dad come to fetch me a week later Ian comes back with us, he has managed to get a week off work.  We go back to the EPAU where we are told that everything is now back to normal.

They sure got that wrong, our lives will never be the same again!