Baby bubs

28th December 2007
It's taken a long while to come to terms with losing another baby and to be ready to try again.  We've been trying again for a couple of months and even though my period isn't due until 26th December I have a feeling that this time it's our lucky month.  We're visiting Ian's mum for Christmas and I have made an excuse that I need to pop into town for a few last minute gifts so that I can go to the chemist and buy a test.  I don't want anyone to know.

I take the test on Christmas eve.  Even though I am expecting to see a positive result it's still a bit of a shock when it actually shows up.  This time I don't get excited at all, I'm not even scared this time either.  I feel like I'm just waiting, waiting until it all goes wrong again.  No one really notices when i avoid alcohol over the next couple of days.  I think I get away with it because I am a bit sly, I offer to make all the drinks and pretend to pour Tia Maria into my glass and then fill it up with Coke.  On 27th December I start to notice that I am having a bit of spotting, I try not to worry, it can be perfectly normal and even if it isn't there is nothing I can do, I'm not exactly close to a hospital and all the GP practices are closed for the holidays.  The following day the spotting turns into bleeding, by this time I know that it's all over again.  It seems that my feelings were right, i was just waiting for it to happen again.

I wait until we get back home the following day to tell Ian, we decide that at the moment it is probably best to keep our sad news to ourselves.  We decide this time that we will not wait at all to try again but will start straight away.