I was planning on updating my blog today with more of my story but just don't feel up to it, just thinking about everything is getting me too emotional today.
Today marks 6 years of trying for a baby. Six years of hopes being raised only to be shattered time and time again.
I dream every day that someday soon it will be our turn but right now i just can't see it happening. I'm feeling very upset and down today
An insight into life after loss and long term ttc
Saturday 26 February 2011
Wednesday 23 February 2011
A big decision
March 2005
OMG I cant believe what we're doing! Ian and I have made the decision not to use contraception, we're letting nature take it's course. We've only been a couple for 4 weeks so have not told anyone of our decision, they'll think we're insane to be trying for a baby so soon.
This is something I never imagined happening in my life. Until I met Ian I was sure that I didn't want any children. I have no idea what has made me change my mind, I guess it must be like everyone always said to me "you'll change your mind when you meet the right man and fall in love"
OMG I cant believe what we're doing! Ian and I have made the decision not to use contraception, we're letting nature take it's course. We've only been a couple for 4 weeks so have not told anyone of our decision, they'll think we're insane to be trying for a baby so soon.
This is something I never imagined happening in my life. Until I met Ian I was sure that I didn't want any children. I have no idea what has made me change my mind, I guess it must be like everyone always said to me "you'll change your mind when you meet the right man and fall in love"
The love of my life
February 2005
I've been chatting to this guy on a mobile internet site for a while now, about a year or so. I've seen photos of him and he's gorgeous! I've been interested in meeting him and seeing if there is more than just friendship to our relationship but until now I had no idea he was interested in the same. We decided that I'll go visit him at the weekend and see if we hit it off in real life.
Ok it's now official, we're in a relationship!
The next weekend Ian comes to visit me and we take my parents out for a meal so that he can meet them. We have a lovely evening, at the end of which Ian tells my Dad that one day he will marry me.
I've been chatting to this guy on a mobile internet site for a while now, about a year or so. I've seen photos of him and he's gorgeous! I've been interested in meeting him and seeing if there is more than just friendship to our relationship but until now I had no idea he was interested in the same. We decided that I'll go visit him at the weekend and see if we hit it off in real life.
Ok it's now official, we're in a relationship!
The next weekend Ian comes to visit me and we take my parents out for a meal so that he can meet them. We have a lovely evening, at the end of which Ian tells my Dad that one day he will marry me.
Tuesday 22 February 2011
My 1st angel
Sept 1993
I'm 18 years old, having my 1st serious relationship and we've been very careless about contraception. The inevitable has happened and i now find myself 7 weeks pregnant and having to make a difficult decision. I've never thought that an abortion is something that I would consider but I also have no desire to have a child, I've never wanted children!
Two weeks later the decision is taken out of my control. I have just miscarried my 1st baby at 9 weeks gestation. I am a little saddened by what has happened but my overwhelming emotion is one of relief.
Oct 1993
My relationship has come to an end. He has been sleeping with his ex and now she's pregnant.
I run away from dealing with everything, if I push it all into a little box it never happened and can't hurt me. It is now that i literally start to run away from dealing with things. I apply to join the armed forces, something that I've never really thought about before.
1993 - 2005
After a couple of months in the RAF I decide that the military life is not for me. Back in civilian life i settle down, everything is going great except relationships. It will be another 3 years before I trust anyone enough to have a proper relationship with them.
The years roll by and i am happy with my life, I have a decent enough job and have had a few relationships which have been good. However, I start to realise what I have lost. I have missed the chance of seeing my baby reach all the milestones.
I'm 18 years old, having my 1st serious relationship and we've been very careless about contraception. The inevitable has happened and i now find myself 7 weeks pregnant and having to make a difficult decision. I've never thought that an abortion is something that I would consider but I also have no desire to have a child, I've never wanted children!
Two weeks later the decision is taken out of my control. I have just miscarried my 1st baby at 9 weeks gestation. I am a little saddened by what has happened but my overwhelming emotion is one of relief.
Oct 1993
My relationship has come to an end. He has been sleeping with his ex and now she's pregnant.
I run away from dealing with everything, if I push it all into a little box it never happened and can't hurt me. It is now that i literally start to run away from dealing with things. I apply to join the armed forces, something that I've never really thought about before.
1993 - 2005
After a couple of months in the RAF I decide that the military life is not for me. Back in civilian life i settle down, everything is going great except relationships. It will be another 3 years before I trust anyone enough to have a proper relationship with them.
The years roll by and i am happy with my life, I have a decent enough job and have had a few relationships which have been good. However, I start to realise what I have lost. I have missed the chance of seeing my baby reach all the milestones.
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