My 1st angel

Sept 1993
I'm 18 years old, having my 1st serious relationship and we've been very careless about contraception.  The inevitable has happened and i now find myself 7 weeks pregnant and having to make a difficult decision.  I've never thought that an abortion is something that I would consider but I also have no desire to have a child, I've never wanted children!

Two weeks later the decision is taken out of my control.  I have just miscarried my 1st baby at 9 weeks gestation.  I am a little saddened by what has happened but my overwhelming emotion is one of relief.

Oct 1993
My relationship has come to an end.  He has been sleeping with his ex and now she's pregnant.

I run away from dealing with everything, if I push it all into a little box it never happened and can't hurt me.  It is now that i literally start to run away from dealing with things.  I apply to join the armed forces, something that I've never really thought about before.


1993 - 2005
After a couple of months in the RAF I decide that the military life is not for me.  Back in civilian life i settle down, everything is going great except relationships.  It will be another 3 years before I trust anyone enough to have a proper relationship with them.

The years roll by and i am happy with my life, I have a decent enough job and have had a few relationships which have been good.  However, I start to realise what I have lost. I have missed the chance of seeing my baby reach all the milestones.