Our doctor finally sends us to the recurrent miscarriage clinic, it is held in the EPAC where I went when I lost Junior. The appointment was very difficult. It's almost impossible to explain the feelings and waves of emotion that I experienced from being back there. There was the sorrow and heartache of recalling that awful day but there was also hope mixed in there too, hope that we would finally be getting some answers and be a step closer to bringing our baby home.
Our doctor is Miss Moore, she's lovely. Very sympathetic to what we've been through so far. She has taken a full history of ttc and loss, Ian brings up the wonky period. Miss Moore tells us that because my cycle is normally so regular the chances are that it was not just a wonky period, she enters it in our notes as miscarriage number 5.
She repeats the tests which our GP did but tells us that they are still unlikely to show any reasons for our losses, she also orders some other tests which we haven't had done before now. The results will come back in about 6 weeks.
In the interim she puts in place an action plan for us. I am to stop taking my meds for my arthritis, they may be part of what has caused our infertility and could be a contributing factor to the miscarriages. I must take a very high dosage of folic acid and I am told to test from about 10 days past ovulation every month. When I get a positive pregnancy test I have to phone them the same day and come straight in so that they can administer an injection of 10000 units of hcg hormone to help sustain the pregnancy in the early stages. I will then have to come back once a week for a repeat of the injection and a scan. They will also take blood samples every week to check for clotting issues which she thinks may show up during pregnancy even though the tests are normal when i'm not pregnant, If the tests come back positive I will have to learn to inject myself on a daily basis with blood thinners.
She is hopeful that this will get us through the 1st trimester. If it does I will then be given a stitch in my cervix to reduce the risks of it being weakened by the cancer treatment.
We leave the hospital full of hope for the future.
A few days later we decide that our fifth angel will be named Hope.
An insight into life after loss and long term ttc
Thursday 21 July 2011
Wonky period or something else?
April 2010
My period is due in a fews days but something feels odd, I don't think it's coming. I'm terrified, too scared to test incase it's positive. Ian nags me to test and even goes out to buy one but I still refuse, every day he hands me the test but i won't take it. This goes on for 10 days until my period finally arrives.
I somehow managed to convince myself that it was just a wonky period and not another early miscarriage.
My period is due in a fews days but something feels odd, I don't think it's coming. I'm terrified, too scared to test incase it's positive. Ian nags me to test and even goes out to buy one but I still refuse, every day he hands me the test but i won't take it. This goes on for 10 days until my period finally arrives.
I somehow managed to convince myself that it was just a wonky period and not another early miscarriage.
Fertility clinic
We received our appointment for the fertility clinic and started to get excited, maybe now we would finally be heading down the road towards our dreams. The day of the appointment comes and we reach the hospital only to find we can't go in, the fire alarm is ringing so we have to wait outside until it's decided there is not a fire. I think this was a sign from fate that all was not going to be well.
When we are finally allowed to enter the building it takes us ages to find the clinic, by this time we are over an hour late. The receptionist tells us that because we are so late the doctor will not see us, WTF???? They know nothing about the fire alarm and don't believe us, by this time we're starting to get pretty annoyed. After much discussion which culminates in me threatening to make a formal complaint to the hospital chief executive they finally decide that we are not lying and we are seen two hours after our appointment time. This is where things go from bad to worse!
Before we are seen by the doctor we are sent for blood tests and a nurse measures our weight and height. The doctor calls us in and starts by taking a full history of ttc and our miscarriages. He then moves on to tell us that I am too fat for treatment to which I respond by telling him that I have been trying to lose weight and have lost 2 stone in 3 months. He then says "well you've obviously not been trying very hard have you". He gives us an ultimatum, I must lose another 4 stones before my 35th birthday or we will be refused any help and removed from his list. My birthday is less than 3 months away.
We leave the clinic rather shell shocked.
A few days later I go to my weekly weigh in at weight watchers. I tell the class leader what the action plan is and that my new goal is to lose 4 stones in 10 weeks. She tells me how dangerous this is and immediately cancels my membership because WW cannot support a goal which is likely to cause danger to a persons health.
A few weeks later I see how foolish it is to try to achieve this goal so I stop trying. Knowing that we will now not get any help from the NHS I become very angry and bitter, I still feel the same way now about our experiences as I did then.
When we are finally allowed to enter the building it takes us ages to find the clinic, by this time we are over an hour late. The receptionist tells us that because we are so late the doctor will not see us, WTF???? They know nothing about the fire alarm and don't believe us, by this time we're starting to get pretty annoyed. After much discussion which culminates in me threatening to make a formal complaint to the hospital chief executive they finally decide that we are not lying and we are seen two hours after our appointment time. This is where things go from bad to worse!
Before we are seen by the doctor we are sent for blood tests and a nurse measures our weight and height. The doctor calls us in and starts by taking a full history of ttc and our miscarriages. He then moves on to tell us that I am too fat for treatment to which I respond by telling him that I have been trying to lose weight and have lost 2 stone in 3 months. He then says "well you've obviously not been trying very hard have you". He gives us an ultimatum, I must lose another 4 stones before my 35th birthday or we will be refused any help and removed from his list. My birthday is less than 3 months away.
We leave the clinic rather shell shocked.
A few days later I go to my weekly weigh in at weight watchers. I tell the class leader what the action plan is and that my new goal is to lose 4 stones in 10 weeks. She tells me how dangerous this is and immediately cancels my membership because WW cannot support a goal which is likely to cause danger to a persons health.
A few weeks later I see how foolish it is to try to achieve this goal so I stop trying. Knowing that we will now not get any help from the NHS I become very angry and bitter, I still feel the same way now about our experiences as I did then.
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